Me, Tatay and I

I usually hate waking up early in the morning especially during Saturdays. My friends know that. I have this tendency to cling to the opportunity to daydream as if it’s the be-all and end-all of my Saturday existence. Today’s different though.  I wanted Tats to work off those kinks in his body and the only way to get him to do it, is for me to wake up with him at 5 in the morning and drive him to boardwalk. Actually last week, I was driving him to the hospital due to constrictions in his chest and I hated the experience so much that I would rather take him someplace now, even if I’d get to do the honor at a time most inconvenient to me.

So after a week of being cooped up at home, doing nothing but ingesting 7 different pills every day (as per his cardiologist’s stern instructions), he was finally up and about.

One foot at a time

Funny but I was like a mother watching her kid take those tentative first steps. I was staying behind him actually because of my trepidation that his knees would buckle and that he would stumble. Three decades ago, he was doing the same thing for me while I was learning to walk. Our roles are now reversed. I even had my camera in hand to capture every nuance of his so-called “workout”.

"Dual Citizens" as he would call them: Filipino Citizens who are Senior Citizens

He did give me the consolation I needed. He walked the entire length of the boulevard (which according to him, is about 1.5 kilometers) – and back.  And his heart was only “mildly” constricted. He even attempted a run, but only for about 3 seconds. He got the scolding he deserved of course… but I know the sacrifice of waking up even before the sun has risen has been worth it.

Taking a breather halfway

Tomorrow, the world would be celebrating father’s day. I am just thankful to God that I still have a father to celebrate the day with. The past couple of weeks have not been good for both us actually with him, living in constant discomfort and me living in constant fear and worry. But as the greatest father that He is – God has made me see the counterpoint to this scary experience.

Simply enjoying the view

It’s not about repaying all the things that my father did for me my whole life – he is not expecting any form of payment for them. It’s not about me, being just a daughter performing an obligation. It’s simply all about the value of unconditional love. And if God will give me a LONGER opportunity to be a daughter my father could rely on – I would gladly take on the role. 

To health and wellness

After all, more than our blood relationship, we share one special trait: we never say die. 

Happy 37th Father's Day Tatay!

Greatest Fear Revealed

"Permanence"

 I was told last Saturday that one of my cousins died. He was only about 30 years old. Honestly, I saw no shadow of grief pass by when news of his death reached me. Two decades ago, we lived together in our grandfather’s house but we were kids then so that when I left to be reunited with my family, I felt I have already “lost” him. I have not heard from him since. With the unfortunate lack of communication and shared family milestones, I have been spared from the desolation of this loss. Or maybe not.

Suddenly I was ruminating on the concept of death in the family and losing a loved-one, and now am going through a private session with grief at what could happen in the future. Having braved through a series of personal disappointments, and believe me- they can quite break the spirit - I am certain that what I cannot take in is dealing with the pain brought about by death. The death of someone who is such a part of my existence as the air I breathe.

                                                    

I know it is inevitable –but I can’t help but rebel against the concept of facing its agonizing consequences: the permanence of not being able to hear, see and touch the person for the rest of my own short life. Yes, I would probably miss even the annoying stuffs.