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| "Permanence" |
I was told last Saturday that one of my cousins died. He was only about 30 years old. Honestly, I saw no shadow of grief pass by when news of his death reached me. Two decades ago, we lived together in our grandfather’s house but we were kids then so that when I left to be reunited with my family, I felt I have already “lost” him. I have not heard from him since. With the unfortunate lack of communication and shared family milestones, I have been spared from the desolation of this loss. Or maybe not.
Suddenly I was ruminating on the concept of death in the family and losing a loved-one, and now am going through a private session with grief at what could happen in the future. Having braved through a series of personal disappointments, and believe me- they can quite break the spirit - I am certain that what I cannot take in is dealing with the pain brought about by death. The death of someone who is such a part of my existence as the air I breathe.
I know it is inevitable –but I can’t help but rebel against the concept of facing its agonizing consequences: the permanence of not being able to hear, see and touch the person for the rest of my own short life. Yes, I would probably miss even the annoying stuffs.
